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Newt Gingrich

The Swan Song of N. Leroy Gingrich (version 2.0)

May the ghost of T. S. Eliot forgive me. I first wrote this a little more than a year ago. This is a slightly revised version... a little better,

I hope. Let us go then, you and I,
Before Tea Party politics passes us each by
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through Washington's K Street,
The lobbyists' retreats And chicken dinners in one-night swank hotels
Still taking time for whatever sells;
Lobbyists that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, ``Why is it? "
Let's take the money and make our visit.

Make the jump»

What is a Newt?

newt [noot, nyoot] noun
1. any of several brilliantly colored salamanders of the family Salamandridae, especially those of the genera Triturus and Notophthalmus, of North America, Europe, and northern Asia.
2. any of various other small salamanders.
3. one of several slimy republican primary candidates (can be brilliantly colored)

Gingrich: The Second Coming

Yesterday, I ran across a parody I wrote last spring, a take-off of T. S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" called "The Swan Song of N. Leroy Gingrich."  Perhaps I was premature.  Anyhow, it moved me to now demolish W. B. Yeats and his great poem:

THE SECOND COMING Make the jump»

The Swan Song of N. Leroy Gingrich

May the ghost of T. S. Eliot forgive me.

Let us go then, you and I,
Before Right politics passes both of us by
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain Washington streets,
The lobbyists' retreats
And chicken dinners in one-night swank hotels
And taking time for whatever sells
Lobbyists that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, ``Why is it? '
Let's take the money and make our visit. Make the jump»

That 'Anti-Colonial Luo Tribesman'

And, no, I don't mean Obama, though Newt Gingrich (channeling Dinesh D'Sousa and his Forbes piece) has called him that, I mean a real Luo--and one of the people with great influence upon me as I was growing up.

His name was Alphonse O'Kuku. I first met him in 1963, and last saw him in 1990, not too many years before he died. Make the jump»

Newt the Impaler


"Vlad" Gingrich is molesting the Constitution in the name of national security again. This time he's on a tirade about the recent Supreme Court decision that grants prisoners held at young Mr. Bush's pleasure in Guantanamo the right to a habeas corpus hearing.

"This court decision is a disaster and it could cost us a city," Newt said on Face the Nation. Land o' Goshen. The only way this court decision could cost us a city is if it makes Newt's head explode. Driving Newt's noodle to critical mass would be the kind of disaster we need, but it would force us to make some difficult decisions. Losing New York City or Washington D.C. might be too high a price to pay to be permanently rid of Newt, but if we're talking, say, Minot, North Dakota, well…

I take that back. Minot's a lovely city and we have a strategically significant military base there. We'll blow Newt's noggin to smithereens in that chancre sore on the Potomac. Let's just make sure all the politicians are in town when we push the plunger. Make the jump»

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