The Incredible, Heartless, No-Pulse 'Deadeye' Dick Cheney

So, did you hear that he officially has no pulse now?

That doesn't seem to surprise many people, does it?

The official explanation is that a device -- a pump of some type -- was installed into his heart (?!?) after he'd experienced worsening conditions of congestive heart failure (CHF). The truth is, he hasn't ~really~ had a pulse in decades. This is just the best new way to disguise that.

(Make the jump for more heartless cruelty at Dick's expense, but on ePluribus Media's nickle...er, servers.)

Doctors and a Cheney spokesperson have said that Cheney's age doesn't preclude him from being able to eventually have a heart transplant, as if anyone believes he could ever have a ~real~ human heart. He's not the bloody Tin Man, after all.

But even age would be a factor to most people, he's got the money and power to finagle one anyway.

The good news: such a heart probably won't come from the normal donor pool from which heart recipients pull. The bad news: any replacement organ Dick opts to receive will be the still-beating heart torn from the chest of some unsuspecting sacrificial victim while Dick's personal priestess performs an ancient Cheney family ritual...a ritual that got its start centuries ago, when Dick's first heart died of apathy and neglect...

(he was, according to legends, only 12 at the time, and performed the ritual sacrifice himself on a victim of his own choosing. Legends also say he prepared for this by practicing on kids his own age from the time he was ten until he ran out youngsters who'd been taken in wars with neighboring tribes, and his own people managed to convince him not to slaughter the rest of their own village...)

He's led a pretty colorful life, if you read between the lines. (And color broadly, using multiple tips with bold, sweeping strokes...and a whole lot of redaction if you wish to avoid the whole "why the hell hasn't he been arrested, tried, convicted and punished -- repeatedly -- yet?" game)

...and so, what have we learned today folks?

Dick's a monster.

He's got no pulse, and now he has a technological excuse for that condition -- a condition that monster hunters in the past would have otherwise used to help identify his animated corpse in order to save their local (and surrounding) villages.

The irony is that instead of prosecuting Dick to the fullest extent of the law for his crimes against our nation, against humanity and against life on the planet, he's got the money and means on ~top~ of the federalized medical care pension to keep him alive, whereas most other folks don't have such resources and have no access to the full range of potential life-saving, life-extending and life-enhancing medical techniques.

Dick's an ambulatory anomaly of injustice who's laughing his decrepit monster-ass all the way to the bank...and to the doctor, then to the punditry, then off for another ritual blood sacrifice, ad nauseam.

For centuries.

Crossposted from DailyKos.

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No. That's not justice. But, if it's all we can get...

We are living in an interminable succession of absurdities imposed by the myopic logic of short-term thinking.—Jacques-Yves Cousteau


is a little crass. But while Cheney is currently recovering? (And good for him and his family.)

The nation he helped destroy is not.

But as you've both pointed out, and as I point out within the piece, Dick's getting top-notch medical care when he should, instead, be on trial for his multitude of crimes.

It's the ultimate injustice and irony.